I Can't Decide
by Xandarius
Summary: Song Fic, an interesting look at what some of Satsuki's thoughts might have been through out the first half of the show


**AN: I'M ALIIIIIIVE! I know, I'm amazed too! To all of the people who follow me, whom I am now referring to as my Crypt-Callers, as you call me out of my crypt to tell you stories-**

 **Satsuki: You don't live in a crypt. You don't even live in a dorm anymore! You're back with your mother you freeloading pig!**

 **Me: QIET YOU! Anyways, I would like to apologize for my long absence, I was having a problem with my anxiety and depression, and even had to be placed on suicide watch shortly before I left school. Don't worry, I've been feeling better, and I even managed to get a job, although that's not helping my writing either.**

 **Ryuuko: Make it work! I'm tired of being stuck in your head yelling at you!**

 **Me: THAT'S WHAT I'M WORKING ON! Anyways, I will update my other works as soon as I can, but I have a lot of plot bunnies running around, and the ones for those stories have unfortunately run away. I do want to work on them, but if someone wants to adopt them, feel free to PM me. Anywho, this is my first song fic, as well as my first Kill la Kill fic. I just had the thought that the song "I can't Decide," by Scissor Sisters, (aint that a coincidence,) fit very well with some of Satsuki's personality (perceived or otherwise.) So now, it's…**

 **I Can't Decide**

 _It's not easy having yourself a good time,_

Kiryuin Satsuki was at a bit of a loss of what just happened. She had just returned to her rooms from fighting the new transfer student, Matoi Ryuuko, and to be honest, she had never felt more invigorated.

Yes, she had won, as she always did, but for once, she had to work at it, against someone that wasn't her mother or Nui. She wasn't sure what about this Matoi, this _Ryuuko,_ made fighting her so hard, but she did know, that she would not be pleased until she did it again.

 _Fuck and kiss you both at the same time,_ **(AN: Yes, I skipped some lines, but only because they wouldn't fit with the story)**

Satsuki was both angered, and intrigued. The girl she had taken interest in, _Ryuuko_ , had decided to systematically destroy the entire system upon which Satsuki's school revolved around. Matoi kept taking down club after club, not caring at all about the students whose lives she destroyed. Granted, Satsuki herself didn't really care either, to her, they were just a means, a blindly loyal army for her to use, which was what she needed to take down her mother.

But seeing their fellow club members being destroyed, only pushed those who remained to get even stronger, to be able to defeat her. So in a way, by taking down the system, she was only pushing it farther along. Satsuki wondered if Matoi even noticed this, or if she was so blinded by her need for vengeance that she only gave enough thought to her enemies to destroy them, then that was all.

 _Don't want to be a bad guy,_

 _I'm just a loner Baby,_

 _And now you've gotten in my way,_

Satsuki knew that Matoi thought that she was the one to kill her father. In reality, while she didn't actually know who the killer was, she had a pretty good idea. But the only way to get Matoi to fight her solders, to get _Ryuuko_ to interact with her at all, was to play the antagonist. She didn't really mind, she had been doing that practically her entire life, and now Matoi was just one more person who needed to believe it, for now anyways. But for now, only she could be privy to all of her plans.

 _I can't decide,_

 _Whether you should live or die,_

 _Boy you'll probably go to heaven,_

 _Please don't hang your head and cry,_

 _No wonder why,_

 _My heat feels dead inside,_

 _It's cold and hard and petrified,_

On the one hand, seeing Uzu beat up Matoi brought her a great amount of pleasure, it made her think 'Yes, now maybe she will accept her status, and turn into one of my solders.' On the other, she just wanted to comfort her, and assure her that everything would be fine, to tell her everything, and to just hold her close.

She then realized, people may be right to call her cold hearted, seeing as she didn't even need to keep herself from acting on those feeling, to keep herself from running to _her Ryuuko_. What kind of Monster must she be, if she can't even comfort the one who has captured her, even while they rebel against her? She knows she cannot let anyone know of her feelings, else _Ryuuko's_ life may be forfeit.

 _It's a bitch convincing people to like you,_

 _If I stop now call me a quitter,_

Satsuki had decided to help out Matoi, as a way of maybe bringing her over to her side. She had allowed the creation of the Fight Club, and had even given Matoi's friend a 2-star uniform. She had given their family a larger apartment to live in, and assured them a much greater income. But in the end, _Ryuuko_ had decided to give it all up, in order to bring them back together as a family.

It mad Satsuki smile, at least in private, at how devoted to the idea of a good family _her Ryuuko_ was. Satsuki's mother may have the same sort of devotion, but it was twisted, and almost unrecognizable. _Ryuuko's_ was pure, and so while Satsuki was made out to be the villain yet again, she was still happy, and was more determined than ever to help out in her own way, even if it were never noticed.

 _Pleasing everyone isn't like you,_

While Satsuki might pretend to be annoyed, and even actually feel it at times, with Matoi, in reality, she would never have _her Ryuuko_ any other way.

It would feel strange to her, if all of a sudden Matoi put down her blade, and became a normal student. Or even if she continued to raise it, only now only on Satsuki's orders.

No, _Ryuuko_ was fine as she was, raising her blade to fight what she felt was wrong with the school, to find the truth about what happened to her father, and to defend the ones that she calls friends. Secretly, Satsuki hoped that one day, they might be able to raise their blades together, in mutual respect, and for the protection of each other.

 _I've got to hand it to you,_

 _You played by all the same rules,_

 _It takes the truth to fool me,_

Satsuki was a little surprised that Matoi had even showed up to the new elections. She hadn't hear much from the girl who was the cause of the event the past five days, she had almost thought that she would just jump in at the end, after everyone else was weakened, but no. She must have been resting the whole time, preparing to fight the four whom she knew would be her opponents.

Satsuki was pleased with how _Ryuuko_ had managed to fool her into complacency. Because she hadn't heard anything from her, Satsuki hadn't prepared to fight, and so was at a disadvantage now. She had fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker.

 _Oh I could throw you in a lake,_

 _Or feed you poisoned birthday cake,_

 _I won't deny, I'm gonna miss you when you're gone,_

 _Oh I could bury you alive, but you might crawl out with a knife,_

 _And kill me when I'm sleeping,_

Everyone asked her why Satsuki put up with Matoi. Surely there were ways to get her to stop, to get rid of her, even to get her on Satsuki's side?

And the truth was, yes, Satsuki had many ways and plans she could possibly use on Matoi, but nearly every single one ended with the destruction of _her Ryuuko_. And that was something Satsuki was loath to do. The reason for this was, if there was any trace of the rebelliousness that made _Ryuuko Ryuuko_ , there was a chance that what she was attempting to do to her mother, might happen to her too.

So she let Matoi be, fighting everyone in her path, for the simple joy of being able to know this person who, while grating at times, and who was constantly fighting against her, was also utterly beautiful to Satsuki.

 _I can't decide,_

 _Whether you should live or die,_

 _Boy you'll probably go to heaven,_

 _Please don't hang your head and cry,_

 _No wonder why,_

 _My heat feels dead inside,_

 _It's cold and hard and petrified,_

 _Lock the doors and close the blinds,_

 _We're going for a ride,_

Nui had come and gone, and with her departure, a few things had happened. First, Matoi now knew that Satsuki was not the one to kill her father. Second, her bond with her friend, Mako, was it, was stronger than ever. Third, while she wasn't happy about how she had been tricked, _Ryuuko_ was now willing to spend time with Satsuki and her Elites, without fighting them.

This made Satsuki's heart soar, now she had a chance to really get to know _Ryuuko_ , to explain things to her, and maybe, just maybe, to start a deeper relationship with her.

While part of her knows that doing so would only paint a bigger target on the girl's back, she just tells that part to shut up, and the was going to hop on this ride, and see where it takes her.

End.

 **AN: So, how was it? I realize that Satsuki might seem a little OOC, but you must remember, this is all taking place within her head, and she never was on to show her feelings on the show. Also, to anyone wondering why I have some Ryuuko la Satsuki implied, that's because of two reasons.**

 **One, this is before the big reveal about them being sisters, so to Satsuki, Ryuuko is just a new and interesting girl, who refuses to go along with her plans.**

 **Two is that, even after the reveal, what was keeping Ragyo from lying to the two girls, just to mess with their heads? She had already been shown as someone who was willing to fuck with people's heads to throw them off, or to control them, what makes this instance any different? Also, even if she believed she was telling them the truth, what if Isshin/Sooichiroo lied about Ryuuko being his biological daughter? It is more than likely that Ragyo was experimenting on multiple children at the time, so what if he had just taken one of them, that Ragyo also believed was dead, only the experiments worked? Keep in mind that these are just "What Ifs?" and only are meant to make you think, and to allow stories like this. There are also plenty of reasons why they might get together even if they are sisters, which I won't get into here. If you care to ask, want to be a beta reader for me, or just want to say hi, just PM me!**

 **And now, back to my crypt I go!**

 **Satsuki and Ryuuko: YOU DON'T LIVE IN A CRYPT!**


End file.
